office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
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