If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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