Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
foreskin is a definite game changer
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
My life is pants optional.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
