My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
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