If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
We left the knife in your bed.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
You should frame my arrest warrant.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Randomize
