okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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