So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
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