I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
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