You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Randomize
