it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
Randomize
