You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
God I need to hump something, right now.
Randomize
