I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
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