i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
