I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
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