I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
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