I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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