bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
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