Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Randomize
