is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Randomize
