I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Randomize
