If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
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