fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
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