According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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