I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Randomize
