I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Randomize
