We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Randomize
