I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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