he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
