what day is it and did you see me today?
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Randomize