I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
