i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
