i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
