Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
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