The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Randomize
