those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
His hands were made for my vagina.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
Randomize