I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Randomize
