There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Randomize
