my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
even my farts smell like vagina
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
Randomize
