Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
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