dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
Randomize