yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Randomize
