Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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