She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
