Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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