Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
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