the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
Randomize