I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Randomize
