Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize