Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
Hello my rib-scented angel!
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