i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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