Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
you are never too drunk for berry picking
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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