i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
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