Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
What drink are we having for lunch?
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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