My sheets look like a crime scene.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
