The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Randomize
