Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
