For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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