I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
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