i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
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