I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize
