I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
