I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
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