my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
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