There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Randomize
