This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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