She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
