Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Randomize
