he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Randomize
