I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
