I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
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