You're a womanizer and a bitch.
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Randomize
