there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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