sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
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