I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
