Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
