I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
