sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Randomize
