I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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