every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
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