we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
