His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
