Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
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