you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
