To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Randomize
