jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
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