Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Randomize
