I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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