Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
