Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
cat food counts as protein by the way
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Randomize
