I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
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