Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize
