My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
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