I hope my margaritas pass through security.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
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