I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Randomize
