Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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