Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
