So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
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