you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
this just has baby written all over it
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Randomize
