Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
You are a genius and a whore.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Randomize
