drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Randomize
