he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
