Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
it's like iHOP with fire
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
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