Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Randomize
