God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
Randomize
