Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
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