some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Still dying that you shit outside
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
