I wish my penis had an off switch
I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize