Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize
