Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
Randomize