if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
