So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
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