It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
Randomize
