I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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