Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
Your cock deserves a montage
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
